Can I just say they're outgoing?

   We really do discipline our kids. I promise I'm not one of those moms who lets her kids run wild at all times and ignores every terrible thing they do.
  
   But people might think I am, based solely on their spasmodic slightly hyper activity and completely idiotic behavior.
  
   This weekend was the very first time I've ever spent apart from my boys.

   It was wonderful.
  
   They went to the farm with my parents early Friday morning, while Rob, Maggie and I spent a night in St George to visit my Gawda and my friend Bobbi. Thursday night I ordered pizza, since I'd been packing and cleaning all day and didn't want to cook. Before the delivery man showed up, I ran down to the laundry room in our basement to throw the clothes into the dryer. When I got back up the stairs, the delivery man had already shown up. I hadn't heard the doorbell.
  
   I really wish I had.

   When I reached the top of the stairs I saw the door wide open and Maggie standing in front of it with wide eyes, looking up at a stranger holding a pizza. Max was out on the front porch in his underwear of course trying to chit chat with him. CONNOR was climbing around in the man's beat up old VW bug.

   I couldn't believe it. Seriously. There have been two conversations that have been on repeat in this house for the past few weeks. One: DO NOT OPEN THE FRONT DOOR EVER EVER NEVER EVER FOR ANY REASON OR ANY PERSON.
 
  And two: STOP TALKING TO STRANGERS. STRANGER DANGER. STRANGERS ARE NOT OUR FRIENDS!!

  Number two came around after the 5,000,000th time Max tried to (and was usually successful) strike up a conversation with a random stranger in the aisle of a store. Seriously, the kid is never quiet. Ever. I literally have to tell him to close his mouth when I'm feeling the need to shave off my ears. And that only results in long drawn-out whimpering.

   Anyway. I apologized over and over again to the delivery man. I left him a profusely large tip. And then I waited until I was sure he and his VW were out of earshot before LOSINGMYMIND!!! I couldn't even deal with the what-ifs. I sent the boys to their room to cry it out before I called Rob to tell him what happened and that he was going to have to dole out some serious punishment when he got home, and then I told the boys that Daddy was going to spank them which made them cry even more, and then Daddy did spank them and had a very long talk again about strangers and the front door, and I hid under my covers in my bed.

   The next morning Max peed on a very nice suede accent pillow in his room before anyone was awake.
  
    Retaliation maybe?

  The kicker is this - While they were with my parents at the farm, they were perfect angels. They obeyed. They never complained. They didn't fight bedtime. They only peed and pooped in the toilet. They ate all their food. They didn't beat each other up.

   I asked mom if she'd be our nanny while I worked full-time instead.
  
   She hasn't really responded yet, so I'm sure she's thinking about it.

  

Mean Mom; Part 7,348

    Sometimes as a parent I feel like I've lost hold of what little common sense I used to have. For example, if Maggie likes to play in the toilet, make sure the bathroom door is closed at all times. I've been pretty good about that one until yesterday, unfortunately. Especially unfortunate when the boys decided not to flush the toilet.... *shudder*
    I like to think I'm on top of most things. I like to pat myself on the back when we've successfully avoided disaster of any kind in one day. That doesn't happen a lot, to be truthful.
   But yesterday was a big mistake on my part.
   Cuz this happened. (I feel like I use that sentence quite a bit on this blog. Not a good sign.)

   

 

Maggie and I were happily minding our own business in the house while the boys played outside. I don't usually worry about them since we have a fence to keep them in. And they play outside every single day usually without incident.

But Max came inside at one point and said "Mom! Come see our beach!!"

Pretty sure my blood turned into lead and dropped with a thud to my feet. I knew it was bad. So I grabbed my camera for documentation and headed outside to assess the situation.

There they were. My boys, down to their skivvies, with the hose going full blast on the second tier of our backyard that Rob had just cleaned up the other day. And as I was inhaling a deep, deep breath so I could yell a few mommy-ish obscenities, (Holy granola bars!!! What the scuttlebutts happened here??) I heard some sniggering off to my right. The neighbors and their kids were all standing on their deck, enjoying the spectacle. I'm surprised they didn't have popcorn.

Oh how I despise living in the city.

So I swallowed my deep, deep breath and took pictures instead. I'm proud of myself for handling that moment with grace and dignity. *cough, cough*

 

Mudballs

 

 

                                          The rocks were their diving board.

 

                                                                sigh

 

                                        

 

I informed them that they were dead meat, and made them pick up all the toys in the yard. Then I took them in for a shower. But how do I discipline this situation? Really, it's partly my fault for not putting the hose away after telling them a hundred times NOT TO PLAY WITH THE HOSE. The common sense has obviously not been present.

    So I decided it would be best to have a long time out. It was almost time for Daddy to come home from work, so I told them to go sit in their beds until then. I was in the middle of making dinner, but I checked on them every few minutes to make sure they were staying in their beds.

About the third time I went in they were both dead asleep. I could not get them to wake up.

 

Well, that doesn't work. I couldn't let them sleep. They'd never go to sleep at bedtime and this was supposed to be punishment! So I decided it was a good time to vacuum. Starting in their bedroom of course.

 

Nothing.

 

They didn't even twitch.

 

So I got a pan and a wooden spoon and banged until they finally woke up.

 

Ok, I admit this was a little bit fun.

 

Have I mentioned what a mean mom I am?

 

Anyway, they stayed awake after that, until Daddy got home. But this is what they looked like that WHOLE TIME!!

 

               Max cracks me up. He literally sat like this for at least 10 minutes. Looking at me just like that. Every time I walked in to check on them he was just glaring at me.

 

Oh the joys of parenthood.

 

But the clouds looked like this, so it wasn't all bad.