I love working. But there's one aspect about me that I hate and it's that I'm a perfectionist with impossibly high standards for myself. This little thing called training is killing me. I hate this short period when I don't know things. I need to know everything right now. Once something is explained to me I can usually catch on right away and do it well, and I've been doing great since I started. Until last night.
I hadn't been trained in blended drinks yet when I started the evening shift. Things got busy and I was thrown a few. I did as much as I knew and asked for help from the other girls when I didn't know what to do, even though they had their own work. It was not good. Things went badly. And even though it wasn't my fault I still felt so awful and guilty that last night after work I couldn't sleep. I laid awake thinking about that half hour at work in which I messed up 4 drinks and made people wait too long in the drive thru. I still haven't been properly trained in the blended drinks, but I've learned quite a few recipes just by trial and lots of error. So I laid awake in bed going through the recipes so that this NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.
I finally got some sleep. But first thing this morning one of the girls called asking me to come in and help. Someone had called in sick and they were busy and having a hard time keeping up. I called babysitters, but couldn't find anyone to watch the kids so had to call them back with a Sorry. And the guilt started in again. I know they know that I have kids and a working husband, but I don't want them to think I won't help out!
I know I'm too hard on myself. But I can't help it.
My conscience is eased when I hold my babies. It helps. A lot.
And now you have joined the land of the working mom. You either feel guilty about work or you feel guilty about your kids/husband/house, etc. It's a vicious cycle but the time at work is good and once you are fully trained... here comes Super Woman!! :)
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